I don’t want to hurt friends or those I care about, by making emotional conversations more frustrating. This is not always easy to do, when you don’t want to give in on something that is important to you.
With ex-colleagues or even coworkers, I may not feel as determined to keep the peace. The thing is, each of those frustrating encounters which you allow, build up negativity and weighs you down. It is possible to get your way and be nice about. Let’s look at this together.
In this Video:
00:20 – Sometimes People Won’t Let Up
00:40 – Winning Without Intimidation
01:10 – Do You Have to Give In?
01:25 – Exact Formula That Worked
01:46 – This is the Key
02:35 – Quote from – Wayne Dyer
02:50 – Affirmation to Move You Forward
Listen To The Audio:
Watch The Video
Transcription:
The other day I was on the phone and I was chatting with a friend of mine.
When People Won’t Let Up
She was telling me about some problems she was having from work. She had moved on, she had quit her job but yet people were still contacting her and asking her for help, little details about the nuances of the job that she had been doing. But she had already passed everything on and she needed to MOVE ON, she needed them to sort of let go. But they weren’t in that place, they didn’t want to do that.
So, she was telling me about it and she was feeling all down, and she was like,
[offer-box href=”http://sostartover.com” linktext=”Reminder: Have you checked out my book? I just released “So? Start Over!: Experience Clarity, Do What Matters, Live Your Dream” which includes worksheets, cheatsheets, and bonus material. Click here to check it out!” securecheckout=”true” footnote=”Get It on Amazon”]These people, they are making me so UPSET.”
Winning Without Intimidation
I gave her a quick tip, something that I learned about many years ago in reading this book. I’m not even sure if it’s still in print, if you can still find it, but it’s Winning Without Intimidation and in it the author, he points out that it’s so simple actually to get what you want, to get people to cooperate with you and to get the results, to GET the cooperation of others in the way that you want WITHOUT needing to be AGGRESSIVE, without needing to push, without needing to get hot under the collar or red in the face, and it really is not that complicated.
Do You Have to Give In?
The tip that I gave her was this. When you’re crossed like that, you don’t want to necessarily give in, you want to learn to be able to say no, but you can say no in a language that SUPPORTS them and supports what they need without giving in and compromising your position, WHAT YOU NEED.
[shareable cite=”Abe Stone”]You can say no in a language that supports others and what they need, without compromising what you need. #quote[/shareable]Exact Formula That Worked
Alright, so my tip to her was simply this,
Well, write back and say ‘Well I know it’s difficult taking care of these things, I feel bad that you’re in this situation and I wish that there was more that I could do but I’m not in the place where I can help you right now. You have all the information there and I passed it on to so and so, you can find it in this place. But I CAN’T really HELP you right now.’”
This Is the Key
By showing EMPATHY, which I think is the biggest key, putting the person in a position where they feel understood, they feel that their complaint, there need, their issue, their gripe, whatever it was, was listened to first, you can then just GRACEFULLY move on. (Read How to Win Friends and Influence People)
[shareable cite=”Abe Stone”]Empathy is a key helping people feel understood, so that you can then gracefully move on. #quote[/shareable]And she did that, she answered in that way. And first she was kind of complaining,
Well, I don’t really talk like that, that’s not my language.”
I said just give it a try. She did it, and sure enough THEY WERE FINE, she never got another e-mail about it again and she wasn’t aggressive, she didn’t really say “No no no!” Or, “Stop bothering me.” Or “Please leave me alone!” Or, “I already told you once.”
No, it was just simply “I understand, I really understand and then most difficult, it’s difficult when someone changes the job but I can’t really help you right now and I hope that things work out.” Done.
All right, now here’s your quote for today. “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”
[shareable cite=”Wayne Dyer”]Conflict cannot survive without your participation. #quote[/shareable]And here’s your affirmation, be sure to post it by your bed or in the bathroom, in the kitchen on the door on the way out or in the car and look at it at least twice a day, every time you look at it, say it at least three times and really feel it.
[shareable cite=”Abe Stone”]Every day I practice understanding another person’s point of view as I discuss all issues openly and calmly. #affirmation[/shareable]
