Have you ever tried looking into your own eyes in the mirror and giving yourself a sincere compliment? How about trying this, look at yourself in the mirror and sincerely say, “I love you!”
This exercise makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because of social norms, religious upbringing, or simply from something you believe about yourself that was passed on to you from your parents or caregivers, but that’s a talk for another time.
Right now I want you to be you, and be happy being you.
In This Episode
00:35 – To be or not to be? What will people think?
01:08 – Don’t try to be who you are not
01:38 – Being authentic
01:59 – Getting in debt just to impress and fit in
03:05 – Validation short film
03:57 – Change comes from the inside
04:32 – Observe your self talk
05:13 – Action task: 5-15 min assignment
06:02 – Stop comparing
Transcript:
When I started planning for these videos, I started thinking about it a couple of months ago. I started thinking of all kinds of things. I was concerned about what my hairstyle would be. I have a soul patch that I like. It’s something I like to wear. “Should I leave it, should I shave it off.”
You may have noticed my hair is a little bit different from the first video. This is the usual way I wear it. I like it. It’s calm, its relaxed, its casual.
I like jewelry.
So, I was thinking about doing making these videos, and in that situation I was left thinking, “How are people going to perceive me? What are they going to think? Should I do this, should I do that?”
I realized that I was adding all this pressure to my mind that wasn’t really necessary.
Be you
I decided to ask a friend, and I was talking with her one day and I asked, “What do you think, should I shave this off, should I keep it? I am just wondering about how it’s going to come across.”
She just looked at me, she looked at me, she smiled, and she chuckled. She didn’t have to say anything. She just smiled, and I know exactly what she meant. I realized that I am trying to put on an air about something. I am trying to come up with something that I am not. Why? Why would I need to do that?
Of course, we need to do our best to come across as presentable, as approachable. We need to dress nice. We keep clean. I personally appreciate good style, good taste, but maybe it’s not your style, it’s not your taste. Maybe you have a taste that is different from what other people like or what other people think.
Here is the important thing:
- You need to be you.
- You need to be who you are.
- You need to come from a place of authenticity.
Then as you do that you are congruent with who you are inside. You can build on that, you can do more with that.
Don’t fall for the trap of “fitting in”
Then there is another story that comes to my mind from when I was a young father. I remember working with my dad on getting set up with credit cards, and I was talking to him about it, trying to figure out the ins and outs and one of my comments that came out of the time when it was being set up was:
“I just want to kind of have what I need to not stand out, to just be normal, and to just fit in.”
I don’t know if these were my exact words, but his reaction to me was, “You’re concerned about being different?”
The funny thing about this story is it’s even over an issue that I don’t really benefit from.
Credit cards have their place. They have certain buying potential, and capability that can be limiting if you have them.
That decision of wanting to fit of wanting to be in like everyone else wasn’t and it was a trap.
So, sometimes when we try to be like others, we should make sure that we are being true to ourselves and have not just conform for the sake of conforming.
Do you feel you need to be validated?
I’ve been posting some affirmations on self-esteem on Twitter, which are really wonderful. A lot of people have resonated with them and they’ve received a lot of clicks and replies and retweets. In one case someone replied and they sent me a short video. You have probably seen it before. It’s been around for quite a few years.
It’s about a man who validates parking tickets. His job is just to sit there and validate parking tickets, and as people come up they are either sad, or they’re consumed with their work or they are not having a very good day.
But he takes the time to just look up and make a simple comment to each one.
“Your hair looks good today!”
“Wow, you’ve got beautiful eyes!”
“That shirt looks wonderful on you.”
Then, they’re perspective would change, they felt a little better about themselves, they feel more confident. Eventually there is a line out the door with more people coming, just wanting to be validated, not to validate their ticket, to validate who they are.
The thing about that is that it really has to start with you. It is wonderful when other people can appreciate us, when other people can validate us but if you do not believe in yourself, then that is what you are going to show to the world.
Make sure that you check it out. The funny thing is that it has a twist, it is quite interesting, so make sure that you check it out.
Watch the Validation Video Here.
Talk back to your mind
There is an excellent teacher in personal development. His name is Harv Eker (not and affiliate link). I am currently enrolled in one of hi s programs. There is something that he shared in one of his programs that I really like, I’m going to borrow it and share it with you here.
When your mind starts telling you things, how you can’t do something or how something is not for you, or brings up limiting beliefs that are keeping you from going forward, reply with a simple answer:
“Thank you for sharing!”
You don’t have to take it. You don’t have to make the thoughts that are in your head, solid. By confirming them, dwelling on them and getting into them. Just acknowledge it. See that it’s there. Don’t fight it. Because when you fight something it tends to persist.
Acknowledge that it was there and say thank you for sharing.
Action step
[callout]Before I go, I will give you an action task. The next time that you have some time for yourself, whether it is in the morning if it is the evening, or just some time that you can just sit down and have about twenty minutes to yourself.Take a piece of paper and just list 5 things that you are good at. I am sure you can list 5, just 5. Take the time to just write them up very clearly.
Put them up somewhere where you will see them every day, maybe in your kitchen, or on the bathroom mirror, or on your bed stand where you will see them every day and say to yourself, “I am good at these things. Yes, I can do these things.”[/callout]
This will then start a snowball. Your perspective will change and you will start to see other things you are good at. Soon your self-confidence and your self-esteem will be soaring.
Something to think about
Recently on Facebook I shared this quote that I found online. I’m not sure who the author is but her goes:
Happiness occurs naturally when you stop comparing yourself with other people.”
The significant thing about this quote is that it is a big part of developing your self-esteem and feeling good about who you are and being able to relax and accept yourself for who you are.
After I shared it on Facebook, it has a lot of likes and shares and you can tell that people really resonated with it.
Affirmation
Before I go, here is an affirmation that you can start using today, to turn your thoughts around in this area.
I am a unique person and worthy of respect from others.
My high self-esteem allows me to accept compliments easily and to freely compliment others as well”
You will see that when your mind starts changing, and you start to feel confident. You are going to start to be able to give more to others. You’ll be able to be more in the lives of those that you care about.
- Your family, your loved ones
- Your children, if you have children
- Someone special who is close to you.
- Your other half.
- Other people at work.
- Or even strangers you meet along your day.
The important thing about all of this, about really being you and being authentic, is that you are special. You have something that nobody else does. You have something to give. You have a reason why you are here in this world and why you are where you are.
So, be you! Accept who you are, learn to love who you are, and share it with the world.
This is Abe Stone
The Life design Coach at Coaching Really Works dot com.
Take Care!
